


We Have A Crisis

by MarirnersRevenge



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Humor, Names, Post Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-03 05:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21174092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarirnersRevenge/pseuds/MarirnersRevenge
Summary: “Now is not the time for dramatics, Malfoy. We have a crisis on our hands!” Harry gestures wildly with a butter knife as Ron nods solemnly next to him.A crisis indeed.





	We Have A Crisis

**Author's Note:**

> Oh gosh. Hello! So I was at work when I saw this post on the Enchanting the Bookworm Facebook page about celebrity names. I was so inspired by how humorous it would be that I decided to write a little something.

“Hermione!”

The front door slams open to reveal an out of breath Harry Potter. His glasses were fogged and askew, hair messier than ever as he stood panting in her living room. Hermione stared at him owlishly, her hands resting on her rounded stomach as Draco paused in his gentle massage on her calves. 

Not again.

In Draco’s opinion, they were enjoying a perfectly good Saturday. 

A snog here, a cuddle there, maybe a little risque acts later. All in all, a good way to wind down from the busy week they’ve had. 

Until it was ruined by Hermione’s idiotic friend barging in unannouced.

Haven’t they ever heard of advanced notice? Knocking, maybe?

“You’ll never guess what happened to me today while I was in Diagon Alley!” Harry said as he made his way into their kitchen, helping himself to the contents of their refrigerator. 

Draco closes his eyes, the muscles in his jaw jumping as he clenches it tightly. Hermione sends him an apologetic grimace and smooths her hand across his cheek gently. He relishes in the feel of her hand, tension slowly falling from his jaw, before he gently sets her feet to the floor. 

May as well see what he wants so they can spend the rest of their Saturday in pea-

“Hermione! Harry!”

“Are you KIDDING ME?!” 

The front door opens again to reveal the other half of the Dynamic Dunderheaded Duo, Ron Weasley. His face was red and his clothes were disheveled but in Draco’s opinion that’s how he always looks. Ron barely spares them a proper greeting before moving into the kitchen as well, joyfully greeting Harry as they both start rummaging through the cabinets.

Draco’s face falls into his hands as Hermione leans into his shoulder.

“Are you sure we can’t kill them and bury the bodies somewhere no one can find them?” he said, his voice muffled by his hands.

Hermione quietly chuckled, burying her face into his shoulder.

“They’d know almost immediately it was you, Draco.”

Huffing, he lifted his face and stood with his hand out to help Hermione up. Together they walked into the other room to see sandwich stuff spread out on their kitchen island. 

“Oh, good, you’re here,” Harry says as he gestures for Ron to pass the lettuce he was holding.

“Yes, because this is totally not my house and you two have not just barged in unannounced, again,” Draco derisively states as he helps Hermione onto one of the tall chairs surrounding the island. 

Harry rolled his eyes and places a sandwich in front of Hermione, who smiles in thanks, before going back to making another one.

“Now is not the time for dramatics, Malfoy. We have a crisis on our hands!” Harry gestures wildly with a butter knife as Ron nods solemnly next to him.

“What do you mean ‘a crisis’?” Hermione inquires, her brow wrinkled as she takes a bite of her sandwich.

“Well, it all started a few days ago,” Harry says before sliding another sandwich in front of Draco. Draco begrudgingly thanks him before moving away to grab some crisps for Hermione from the pantry.

“Ok, so you know how I like to go to that new park near Hogsmeade for a run, yeah?”

Hermione nods slowly, chewing her sandwich thoughtfully. Her brow was furrowed in confusion but she knew after so many years that it was best to remain silent and let Harry talk. 

“Yeah, so, like I had just finished a run and was thinking about maybe stopping in a shop or two when this little kid runs into my legs. He’s like four or five years old, real cute kid. He had these really chubby cheeks and-”

“Harry.”

Harry flushes and coughs, “Anyway! So, this kid runs into me and I go into Auror mode, you know? As I’m about to ask where his parents are, his mother shows up. She’s carrying a lot of packages in her hands and I help her shrink them down so she could hold onto her son. Apparently he had run off before she could do it in the shop. She’s apologizing profusely and her son is giggling and I’m like ‘happens all the time. I have a kid myself’. So I start to walk off after sorting that out, ready to go home when I hear her start scolding her kid.”

“Scolding a kid for running off is hardly a crisis, Potter,” Draco remarked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m getting there, Malfoy!” Harry says as he waves off Draco’s comment, “So she starts scolding him and I’m just like walking away when I hear her say ‘Harry James!’”

Silence follows as Draco and Hermione stared at Harry’s distressed and expectant face. 

“...O-K?” Hemione replied, still unsure of what exactly Harry was trying to get at. Draco, on the other hand, physically felt some of his brain cells die. Mourning the loss acutely, he remained silent, knowing that by the end of this visit he would be losing more.

Harry scrubs his hand down his face in frustration.

“She called him ‘Harry James’! Like ‘Harry’- ok, yeah- that is a common name in the Muggle world. Before going to Hogwarts, there was at least three or four ‘Harry’s’ in my grade. So, yeah, pretty common name. But she called him ‘Harry James’! None of the kids in my class had those combination of names. And at Hogwarts, none of the other students had that name either!”

Ron nods his head rapidly and points at Harry, “Tell ‘em what happened at Diagon!”

“Yeah, I was at Diagon doing a bit of shopping- same as any Saturday- when I get stopped by a teenager who wanted my autograph-”

“Oh no! Someone wanted your autograph? How dare they!” Draco grasps his chest before rolling his eyes and offering his forearm for Hermione to grip as she slides out of her chair. Draco waves his wand sending the food they took out back into the refrigerator and the dishes into the sink to clean themselves. He moves with Hermione back into the living room as Harry and Ron follow.

“That’s not the point! The girl wanted me to make the autograph out to ‘Harry James’ and guess who else?”

“I don’t kn-”

“Harriet Lily!”

Hermione blinks, “What?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said when Harry came running into George’s shop. He told me about the incident in Hogsmeade. I didn’t believe it either until this group of Hogwarts aged students came in,” Ron excitedly declared as he tossed himself onto an armchair. Harry sat down on the edge of the other one and he gestured for Ron to continue.

“George was inspired by the Muggle shop newsletter thing you told him about Hermione. So I was explaining it to the group of kids how we’ll send them a newsletter every other week talking new products and all we need is their name for our owling system. Routine stuff, yeah? One by one the kids tell me their names and it feels like I have fallen into some sort of bizarre dream-”

“Wow, I didn’t know you knew how to pronounce that word-”

“Shush, Draco. Continue, Ron.”

“Each of their names where either ‘Harry James’, ‘Harriet Lily’, ‘Lily Harriet’, or ‘James Harry’ and then their various last names.”

“See?!” Harry gestured towards Ron wildly with his hands, “A crisis!”

Hermione shook her head, “Harry, that’s hardly a crisis.”

“But-”

Hermione held up her hand, cutting him off. He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms waiting for her to continue.

“I know it seems like it is one but Wizarding Britain is pretty small compared to the other European magical communities. Diagon and Hogsmeade see all kinds of foot traffic, so it’s natural that you’re going to meet someone that shares a name with you. After all, you are a celebrity and it’s common in the Muggle world for people to name their children after celebrities.”

Harry groaned. 

Hermione was right.

It is a common practice in the Muggle world, he just never thought it would become a thing in the Wizarding one.

“You have to admit though,” Ron began, “It is sort of funny.”

“How so?” Harry grumpily mutters from his chair.

“I mean everyone naming their kid, ‘Harry’ is going to have at least twenty pairs of eyes staring back at them going ‘which one?’”

Hermione and Harry start to laugh, while Draco tries to hide an amused huff.

The next Saturday, Hermione and Draco decided to head out to Diagon Alley for lunch. As they settled down at a table outside of the Leaky Cauldron with their food, Hermione thinks back to the previous Saturday. After they had left, Draco and Hermione laughed the entire conversation off.

Those boys. 

She loves them but they will make mountains out of molehills. 

She had just put a spoonful of soup in her mouth when the voices of a boy and girl at the table behind them begin to loudly protest.

“But MUM!”

“No, buts, mister. I said no and that’s final.”

“Mum, all our friends are signing up! Why can’t we!”

Hermione and Draco exchanged an amused look. It seems like George’s newsletters were becoming a fast success. Before Hermione could comment, she accidentally knocked her glass of water onto the table. Draco smirks and is about to tease her latest bout of clumsiness when the mother behind them starts to yell.

“Herman Gene and Hermione Jeanne Ranger! I said no! Just because Harold Jamison Poter, Draconis Lucien Nalfoy and Ronda Wilis Beasley have signed up doesn’t mean you will too. Just because your friends jumped onto the back of a dragon doesn’t mean that you will too.”

Hermione and Draco stared at each other in shock. 

”I never thought I’d say this but maybe Potter is right,” Draco muttered.

Hermione could only nod in agreement.

**Author's Note:**

> Currently working on the second chapter of my Malfoy recounts fairy tales story. That one has at least three more chapters I think before I am finished with it. 
> 
> But like I said it doesn’t have a schedule since it’s really just a series of one shots.


End file.
